It's such a small word but so difficult to use sometimes. We seem
to use this word so easily with our spouse and children but have a hard
time saying it to other people.
So
the trick is to figure out how and when to say no. I'm not saying that
you should be selfish and never help anybody out. However, most people
are running around stressed because they're saying yes to everybody but
themselves.
You feel excitement at the thought of doing it or it ties in with your life goals or definition of success.
You don't have to have another appointment first in order to say no
If
you've planned to have an evening in (bubble bath, reading, TV,
whatever...) and you get invited out, this does not automatically mean
you have to accept. An appointment with yourself is just as important as
one with other people. Value your time! Realise that when you say yes
to one thing, you ALWAYS say no to something else.
When this
happens, you usually say no to the more important parts of your life -
God, family, yourself. For example, you're asked to help out on a
committee at your child's school. You could end up so busy with
committee work that you deprive your child of quality time. Another
example is saying yes to everybody at work collecting money for
birthdays, leaving presents, etc, and no to your own financial future.
Don't instinctively say yes. Buy time to think about it first.
Always
check your diary first before committing to plans. Or just take a deep
breath. Otherwise you end up saying yes to everything and at the end of a
hectic period, you're virtually burnt out.
It becomes easier to say yes the more you practice
At
first when you have to say no to something or someone, it feels
terrible. But it is incredibly empowering when you realize that you made
the correct decision in saying no. It is an acquired skill and the more
you use your "no" muscle, the stronger it'll get. I promise.
When you say yes and you feel resentment, it means that you should have said no
Learn
to listen to your heart. The Bible says that we mustn't give grudgingly
or under compulsion, and yet, so many of us do. We say yes, and harbour
deep feelings of resentment and bitterness. Nothing good comes from a
resentful attitude.
Saying no comes easier when you are confident in your own capabilities
When
you say no firmly and without a groveling apology, it affirms your
self-worth and it's a way to stand up for yourself. Men seem to do
really well at this but women seem to want to explain everything and
apologise while they're saying no.
You don't have to be rude or ugly about it - there are many ways to say no
No can be "I can't help you this time", "I can only do it next month", "that's not my strong suit" or simply "no, thanks".
Make
a quality decision this month to look at your schedule and see where
you're saying yes to activities or commitments that don't support your
goals. Then, work at saying no to them so you can say yes to more
important things.
Marcia Francois is a time management coach and speaker who
inspires busy women to break out of overwhelm, make the most of their
time and take purposeful and focussed action so they have the time and
freedom to live life to the full. Visit http://purposefultimemanagement.com for your free Time Management Purpose Pack.
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